A List of Thanks

Have you wondered why the most hellish places on earth are the most memorable?

I realized that it's because in these places, people are forced to stick together, reconcile differences and share their misery.. and it is when they realize that they're not alone in their state, friendships are formed.

I'm really going to miss working in Channel 8 Drama Department, simply because the people there are (read:) AWESOME. A-W-E-S-O-M-E.

Author's disclaimer: I'm referring to the people who work with me, NOT the LKKs upstairs who couldn't give two fucks on the suffering of their own subordinates downstairs.

I suck at Chinese. Seriously. Anybody who knows me knows that I'm an English speaking person. Jiak Kantang pai. But the people in Chinese Drama try to talk to me in English, knowing that I have difficulty communicating to them in Chinese during certain stressful moments.

I'm thankful that for the two shows I'm personally involved in, my directors are such fantastic people:

1) Wen Wen (Wu Fu Dao)

2) Yiyou (Wo Zai Ni Zuo You)

and my APs,

1) Yishan (Wu Fu Dao)

2) Jian Ting (Wo Zai Ni Zuo You)

it's funny, when you look back on everything. All these crazy stress and working hours made us all uber cranky as well.

We all do stupid things when we are tired + stressed + crazy + depressed.

To my Chinese Drama friends:

- Yishan (AP)

- Fiona (AP)

- Christina (AP)

- Joyce (AP)

- Jian Ting (AP)

- Ziqing (AP)

- Wilson

- Anna

- Jyashika

- Shi Yi

- Xin Ni

- Shuang Ying

- Shu Ying

- Wei Liang

- Carmen

- Xiao Peng You (AP)

- Janet (AP)

- Yan Ping (AP)

- Zann (AP)

- Shi Ni (AP)

- Hong Ren (AP)

- Nicole (AP)

- Liang Cai (AP)

- Josephine Da Jie (Wardrobe)

- Mong Kok Da Ge (Wardrobe)

- Jin Hua Da Jie (Wardrobe)

- Mei Zhen Da Jie (Wardrobe)

- Sasha (Wardrobe)

- Alvin (Makeup)

- Wai Gor (Makeup)

- Rina (Casting)

- Rinea (Casting)

- Liyun (PC)

- Lingli (PC)

- Wen Wen (Director)

- Lai Ling (Director)

- Yi You (Director)

and many many people who made my life so much more bearably easier in CD, THANK YOU!!

*huggs*

I know most of you will never see this post, but I just want to keep this post to remind me of every single one of you who thought me so many things.

12 more days! Good bye! xD

The Light at the end of the Tunnel

People wonder how far life can take them.

I wonder how far I can push life.

... seriously. I don't think I've fallen so sick for a long time. Just when I've got a nice day off, I had to fall sick.

Doesn't happen in army, seem to happen all the time now.

Mediacorp Channel 8 is pretty much the most hellish of hellholes there is for "work" out there. I mean, clocking 100 hours a week on average? No OT? No planned offs?

Not many people can afford that kind of life.

However, those that can, realize that when they leave, they leave with a wealth of experience no amateur can hope to garner within a short span.

Haha.. for those of you who are already guessing by now.

YES
YES
YES!!

I am leaving Channel 8 for good!

My first new year resolution for the year is going to be fulfilled within... lets see.. 27 days!! OMG!!!

Haha.. I feel so exhilarated.

True, I was having the learning experience of a lifetime there, but my body stamina was beginning to take a toll and yes, my self-assumed indestructible body seems to be taking a strain.

I'm grinning to myself as I type this on my friend's laptop just outside Starbucks.

*cough*

I'm also offered to continue to fill in a position as Assistant Producer for Channel 5.

I don't consider it either a boon or bane, as it's a totally different world and culture over there. Hahaha.. how many of my colleagues would die to be pushed over there... *winks at Carmen*

I can see my gym routine, my anaerobic and aerobic cycles coming back, and being able to play in the band once again!

xD

This is joyous. I can hear angels singing. =p

Thank God.

But now, I'm caught between whether I should presume that I'm selected for the local university and if yes, should I just do a fun job for the next 4 months, or should I continue trying to gain as much experience as possible.

I realized, only when one of my friends informed me, that I've never ever really had a long break in my life before..

Between Primary and Secondary school: No break.

Between Secondary and Poly: 6 months break, worked as a chef in Pastamania

Between Poly and NS: 9 months break, worked as an AV Producer in STOMP

Between NS and Uni: 10 months break, have been working for 6 months as Asst. Producer in Mediacorp...

should I take a break and relax for once?

I'm really at an impasse.

Sigh.

But knowing my character, I won't be able to stay still for long.

If I'm actually forced to take a break and not work, (assuming I still have a trickle of pocket money), I'd probably take to going to the gym 5 days a week and cooking for the other two.

My mind is really quite cluttered with happy thoughts.

I mean, the near future doesn't seem quite as dreary for the time being.

and... for all my friends whom I have knowingly neglected for the past months, we should have a good long celebration soon yeah!

haha...

I'm saving up money for my university. Managed to save quite a hefty sum already in my opinion. But I won't rest until I get at least 3500 in a solid lump sum.

sigh.... University IS expensive...

okok... Going home le! =)

Wisdom from a CG NPC

"Lad, no one feels ready. No one feels he deserves it. And you know why? Because no one does. It's grace, pure and simple. We are inherently unworthy, simply because we're human, and all human beings--aye, and elves, and dwarves, and all the other races--are flawed. But the Light loves us anyway. It loves us for what we sometimes can rise to in rare moments. It loves us for what we can do to help others. And it loves us because we can help it share its message by striving daily to be worthy, even though we understand that we can't ever truly become so. So stand there today, as I did, feeling that you can't possibly deserve it or ever be worthy, and know that you're in the same place every single paladin has ever stood."

- Uther,The Lightbringer (World of Warcraft)

The Clock Ticks Whether You Like It or Not.

生命并非因为死亡而结束，
生命是从每一分每一秒的流逝，
日复一日的拖延，
累积了千万个小小的漠视之后才结束的。
如何生如何死全操在你手中

Kudos to Google *salute*

Google's bold threat to pull out of China has put a spotlight on something many in the tech sector have long groused about: China has been able to wedge its way into the hottest tech services by bending ground rules in its favor.

Google, Microsoft, Yahoo, Facebook, Twitterand other companies covet a foothold in China's massive consumer market of 1.3 billion tech-hungry citizens.

But China recognizes the growth potential of its home market, as well. It launched the state-controlled Baidu search service in 2000, which now controls 62% of the China search market, according to researcher ComScore. And the government keeps close tabs on popular social networks such as Qzone, a huge hit with teenagers, and Zhanzuo, popular with college students.

Meanwhile, China has hamstrung efforts by Google, Microsoft and Yahoo to introduce versions of their respective search services to Chinese consumers. Each has had to agree to censor content at the behest of the Chinese government. And from time to time, most Western companies operating in China have been hit with unexpected, unexplained service disruptions.

Last June, for instance, just as Microsoft was rolling out the latest iteration of its search engine — Bing — disruptions hit Bing, Google, Yahoo Search, Twitter and Facebook. This occurred in conjunction with government attempts to keep unapproved media coverage of the 20th anniversary of the Tiananmen Square massacre from reaching the wider citizenry.

Such hassles highlight "the additional risks to all businesses, particularly Internet businesses, who are investing in China," says Kevin Lee, CEO of search consultants Didit. "The Chinese government isn't beyond playing hardball for either business reasons or philosophical reasons."

Wenqi Gao, spokesman for the Chinese consulate in New York, told The New York Times that China is committed to protecting the rights of foreign companies operating in China.

On Tuesday, Google played hardball right back. Citing irritation over cyberattacks, the search giant said it will no longer adhere to censorship rules and may pull out of China.

It's extremely rare for a corporate entity to try to publicly shame China into lightening up on censorship.

"Google's dead in China," predicts Shaun Rein, managing director of China Market Research Group, a research and consulting firm in Shanghai. Even if the company were to stay on, no one in China "would have the confidence to do marketing campaigns" with them.

Google was starting to reap small dividends in China, after opening a beachhead office in Beijing in 2006. Gene Munster, tech industry analyst at Piper Jaffray, estimates Google's Beijing operations generate about $400 million a year — a fraction of its $22 billion in 2008 revenue.

Danny Sullivan, editor of the Search Engine Land blog, says Google may have gotten fed up with censorship, compounded by presumedly state-sponsored probes of its Gmail databases.

Google does obey censorship rules in other countries and may be trying to drive toward less-rigid policies in China, says Sullivan. For instance, Google might readily agree to censor child porn if China agreed to keep its censors away from search results having to do with political discourse, says Sullivan.

But Duncan Clark, chairman at BDA China, a Beijing-based consulting firm, says there are few scenarios he could envision "where Google will win" and China will back down.

"China is not going to make concessions in a public fashion like this," Duncan says.

David Bandurski, a researcher at the University of Hong Kong's China Media Project, agrees there is little chance China will alter its censorship policies and practices.

"The Chinese state regards censorship, or 'guidance of public opinion,' as essential to maintaining social and political stability," says Bandurski.

I forgot.

I can't remember when was the last time I could say I was absolutely free.

Free from shackles that chain people to life.

As philosophical as it may sound, adult life is a billion times harder then the blind freedom of childhood.

I thought I would never ever say such a thing, but when it's right in your face, you cannot deny it...

Life is still as stress as ever, and with the fast paced world rushing around you, the last thing you need is to get your computer to breakdown.

I'm getting the grip of how this entire job functions.

Only the strongest actually survive to become directors. It's like an arena-like job. You go in and get killed. Psychologically, Physically and Spiritually.

You either cling to your dreams for dear life, or just die (leave).

I'm a loner.

I think most people who are more-or-less closer to me would have realised that by now. - It's almost a chore to try to make me turn up for unnecessary events and functions.

Selfishness aside, my motto is - if I'm not good enough for myself, I'm not good enough for anybody.

I believe that work life (spirituality aside) functions with a hierachy like this:

1) Foundation (50%):

Reality forms the base of foundation. If you cannot afford to live, you cannot afford to do anything.

2) Drive (25%):

How much interest and incentive you give yourself to do something pushes your life to form an opaque meaning. This goes for everything, work, play, socializing and even sleeping. Frankly speaking, if you don't have a drive to sleep, you get into all sort of problems AND solutions.

i.e. A person who has too much drive to sleep has low productivity. Whilst a person who has too little drive to sleep is prone to emotional and mental instability.

3) Dreams (25%):

Dreams are good, to a certain extent. They draw out a huge path of possibilities for your future. They support your drive and might even support feasibility in a good foundation. However, dream too much and you become a dreamer. Stop dreaming and you loose everything it means to be human.

Of course, there is ethical and social issues to consider as well.

damm. dunno why I'm thinking so much.

I've got 3 more episodes to read and I'm still goofing around blogging.

anything to escape work huh.

my drive is currently at 10%

my dream is currently at 0%

foundation is probably about 30%

upon hundred, about 40%. Still a failure job.

I should just give up and go on looking.

heh.

I guess not. Something inside me bugs me to continue on and see if I can withstand this sadistic torture for the sake of it.

=/

New Year, New Hope!

And so the relatively short few days of holidays I had is over, and work starts tmr.

Well... HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY.

Depends on what you would define as happy, it's actually an oxymoronic statement.

Of course, what is a new year's blog entry without making my new year's resolution?

So, here goes!

1) GET OUT OF MEDIACORP AS FAST AS MY LEGS CAN TAKE ME!

I'm going to do one more project, then I'm done. 6 months of pure, solid, unrefined work. I would leave with a gladden heart.

2) Get a new job, (time start: 01/02/10) :

Options:

i. Relief teaching (PE, Art, Music, English)

ii. Trainee Chef (Pastry, Baking, Confectionery)

iii. Intern at an MNC Marcomm company

3) Ignore all calls of "passion" and get into the course that I'm supposed to be going to.

Options:

i. NTU: Communication Studies

ii. NTU: Mass Comm (probably an invalid choice. Mediacorp has deaden my love for media)

iii. NUS: New Media and Communication

IV. QUT: 1 year degree in Media and Communication

V. UniMel: 3 years degree in Media and Communication

I must get into at least ONE of these universities or I'm doomed.

4) Freaking get back to my standard gym routine. FIND A JOB THAT GIVES ME THAT TIME.

Yup. Simple. 4 resolutions. Clear, concise and precise. Something that doesn't require me to plan much, but EXTREMELY HEAVY on my future.

.... it may sound a bit morbid... but recently, my obsession over time management issues is pressing in quite painfully.

The more I think about it, the less time I have.

Practicality VS Passion

The time for pursuing "passion" is over. The lie that society kept teaching is that you should follow your passion.

Passion doesn't grant you food on your table, happiness to the people around you, or does it even ensure your own future happiness.

Practicality however is straight forward, and as long as you center your happiness around how you view your work, it should turn out alright.

You cannot eat your dreams, but reality puts food on the table.

This is going to be my mantra for this year.

There is no time left. I'm 23 years old this year. TOO OLD FOR GAMES.

My future MUST be planned out, carved and set in stone before this year is up.

But first.. Ladies and Gentlemen,

I would pleasantly like to announce the start of my countdown:

DAYS TILL I LEAVE MEDIACORP : 90 days / 2160 hrs

Hahaha.. I never even counted my ORD so concisely.